How many roads..

Its another one of those winter nights...and i'm alone against the cold...against the loneliness..Lifes stagnant....its like this sticky fly on a wall that refuses to move. Sticky.. pesty .. disgusting. Its like the days and nights are playing out this constant cycle just because they havent got anything better to do.. i wouldnt mind if it was day throughout or night throughout .. it wouldnt really make much difference to me . Been a lifetime( already ) of proving myself time and again.. a good son.. a good resource .. a good partner ..and frankly right now i couldnt care less who thinks what of me ... of course theres this little matter of making myself happy .. i sometimes wish there was a way to get away from all this for a while ..like that half hour on the basketball court today when no one knew where their resource their son their partner was ...or rather no one happened to have been trying to find out right at that moment..Sometimes just sometimes you feel like having an option to choose silence over cacophony ..of having the right to choose loneliness over companionship.. just for a while. Its blasphemy to speak that out loud ofcourse .. you are a deserter, a loner, a narcissist all rolled inone all of a sudden if you do . I don't want to make some sort of perfect ending tonight so dont get all worked up looking for one.